Summer snacking

Avocados have become one of my favorite foods. I used to hate them; the texture put me off. But now - oh boy - I could eat a whole plain one and ask for more. I tell myself this is because my adult taste buds want me to eat healthy, but the truth is...they're just tasty. How often do you find a food that's so good for you that tastes so good? The answer is almost never.

And that brings me to guacamole. Beautiful, colorful delicious guacamole. Again with healthy things being delicious. You get me a bowl of guac and a bowl of salsa, and I'm pretty much happy for the rest of the day.

This is why I'm sharing with you my favorite recipe for guacamole. I'm the kind of person that's going to jam as many delicious things into a recipe as I can, so if you're not feeling any of these ingredients, feel free to omit.

Guacamole

What you need:
3 ripe hass avocados
2 roma tomatos, chopped
1/4 cup of red onion
1/4 cup fresh cilantro
1/2-1 jalapeno chile, finely chopped
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1 tbsp. lime juice
Salt and pepper to taste

How to make it:
In a large bowl, mash together the avocados, lemon juice, lime juice, salt and pepper. When mixture is mostly smooth (there will be chunks), add in the remaining ingredients and mix thoroughly. Feel free to add more lemon, lime, salt or pepper to taste. Refrigerate about half an hour before serving.

A new take on a classic

If you're anything like me, you enjoy food with a lot of flavor. Anything that wakes my tastebuds and keeps me coming back for another bite is something I can get onboard with. This, of course, leads me to spicy food. I've always had a pretty high tolerance for spice, although I couldn't enjoy the hot foods I loved because my family members have about as much tolerance for spice as a 12 year old has for alcohol. However, independently cooking has led to some pretty fun dishes that get me my fix.

Another thing I love: comfort food. If you've ever seen what I like to cook, you'd agree. One of my favorites is lasagna. Who doesn't love a pile of noodles, cheese and meat sauce? Well, when I found a recipe for buffalo chicken lasagna, I jumped on the opportunity just as soon as I could. The great thing about this recipe is that you can change up the ingredients depending on how how you like your food and the different pairings you prefer with your buffalo sauce.

Buffalo Chicken Lasagna

What you need:
1-1.5 lbs. of shredded chicken
1 pack of lasagna noodles
Blue cheese crumbles
1 cup ricotta
Ranch or blue cheese dressing
2 cups shredded mozzarella
2 cups shredded cheddar
Buffalo sauce
Parsley

How to make it:
Boil the lasagna noodles according to package instructions. When al-dente, drain and set aside. In a small bowl, mix together the ricotta, blue cheese crumbles, parsley and your preferred dressing to taste.

Make sure your chicken is finely shredded, with no large pieces or gristle/bone. In a large bowl, blend together about half a cup of buffalo sauce with half a cup of your chosen dressing - I used ranch. Place shredded chicken into sauce mixture and stir together until chicken is saturated. Feel free to add additional dressing or buffalo sauce to taste.

Grease a 9"x13" pan. Be warned, if you do not grease the pan, you might be cleaning cheese off for days. Layer the ingredients in the following order: Chicken, lasagna noodles, creamy cheese mixture, 1 cup mozzarella, 1 cup cheddar. Repeat. A note: you may want to pour a little extra buffalo sauce after you've put down the chicken layer to make sure it doesn't get dry.

Bake at 375 for 30-40 minutes or until cheese on top is browning and bubbling. Allow to sit about 5 minutes before serving.

My first try at making a fancy(ish) alcoholic beverage

The high in Minnesota today is about 80 degrees. IN APRIL. For those of you who choose to live in warmer climes, this is highly unusual. There are crazy people coming out of the woodwork to bike, walk, run and just spend time in the sun. It's glorious. I'm a little scared to break out the shorts; these white legs didn't even get tan LAST summer, much less seen light in the last 5+ months.

So because of this lovely weather, I felt a need to have a drink. Normally my go-to is white wine, but I wanted something fruity and cool that didn't require too much work. Then an idea hit me: Sangria. That way I could have my wine and still get the fruity buzz I was looking for. This recipe is great for a refreshing drink that doesn't take a professional bartender. It is one of my favorites, especially since it tastes good even if you change up the ingredients for a more or less alcoholic version. I shall share both recipes with you, and you can decide which suits your mood. A note: These are large-scale recipes, for a pitcher.

Lime Berry Sangria

What you need for both:
White wine (Moscato or white zin)
Ginger ale
2 limes
Blackberries
Raspberries

For the more alcoholic version:
Sparkling wine or champagne
Peach schnapps

For an extra kick:
Mint leaves
Strawberries
Orange slices

How to make it:
Wash all the fruit thoroughly, and slice one of the limes thin. Leave the peels on for color and enhanced flavor. Add the fruit to your pitcher. Pour in wine and ginger ale (and the other liquid ingredients). Keep in mind, if you're making the more alcoholic version of this recipe, you will want to consider how much alcohol you're adding, for taste purposes. Always remember to taste anything you're making as you make it. Halve the remaining lime and squeeze the juice into your liquid ingredients.  Stir everything together, and refrigerate for 1-3 hours before serving. I don't like to serve anything over ice, but feel free to have your sangria on the rocks!

Gameday apps - Part 1

Spring is here, and before you know it, summer will be upon us! With baseball season kicking off and summer sports in our minds, I'd like to share some of my favorite foods to eat - whether you're playing a sport or cheering your team on. Keep in mind, I'm not exactly a light eater, so this is a series of heavier appetizers that are sure to make your guests' mouths water.

So let's start it off! Gameday apps,  part 1: Lemon garlic wings

What you need:
(Feeds 5)

2 lbs. chicken wings (A large pack at the grocery store)
5 cloves fresh garlic, finely chopped
1/4 c. fresh oregano, chopped
1 c. lemon juice
1-2 tbsp. pepper (to taste)
1 tbsp. salt (to taste)
1/4 c. olive oil

Preparation:
Place raw wings in a large ziplock bag or shallow pan. In a small bowl, whisk together the remaining ingredients then pour them over the chicken. Seal the bag and shake, or spoon the sauce over the wings, making sure they're all coated. Refrigerate one hour, or as long as overnight. Turn the wings several times as the chicken marinates.

How to grill them:
Heat the grill to medium. Remove the chicken from the bag or pan and discard the extra marinade. Grill until cooked through, about six minutes per side.

How to bake them:
Heat the oven to 375. Cover a baking sheet with tin foil and grease with cooking spray - you don't want this stuff to stick. Place wings on baking sheet and set extra marinade aside. Cook for 30 minutes, then turn the wings over and brush on extra marinade. Bake for an additional 20 minutes. Allow a few minutes to cool before serving.

4 ingredients - 100% delicious

Although I've been very into healthy food lately, comfort food has my heart. I saw this recipe on Facebook the other day and though I just had to try it: Meatball Sub Bake. Disclaimer: I made this in a 9"x9" pan because I was making dinner for only three people. This recipe is bigger.

I know what you're thinking. Meatball sub. Yeah, I get that part. But how does it become a "bake"? I was skeptical at first, too, but after trying it my mind and stomach are at ease. If you're craving a comforting, filling and yummy meal, this is it. If you're not much of a chef and don't know your salt from your cumin, this is for you. Or if you're like me and love new cooking ventures, try it out and let me know what you think!

Meatball Sub Bake
(fills a 9"x13" pan)

What you need:
1 pack of pre-cooked Italian meatballs (or some other flavor if you prefer that)
1 roll of pre-sliced biscuit dough (I used Pillsbury Grands)
1 large jar of marinara sauce
About 2 cups (1 package) of shredded mozzarella

How to make it:
Preheat the oven to 375. Lightly grease the inside of your pan. This one can get a little crusty if you don't have a nonstick or greased pan.

Pop open your biscuit dough and cut each biscuit into sixths. Spread the bite-sized pieces over the bottom of your pan. Pour the marinara evenly over the top of the dough. Using a spoon, distribute the sauce around the pan, coating each piece of dough.

Put the meatballs on tops of the dough and sauce, lightly pressing each down. The meatballs don't need to be covered in sauce, but they can if you want. Use the whole pack of meatballs! I underestimated how much the dough would expand and ended up with an insufficient meat to bread ratio. Top everything with an even layer of cheese, and pop in the oven for 30-40 minutes.

No need to let this baby rest. It's ready to serve straight out of the oven!

Adding a quick - and delicious - appetizer

My older brother likes to come over for dinner once a week or so, but he's a weight-lifter and feeding him enough can be a challenge. When I found out I might not have enough food to fill him up, I panicked. Fortunately my mind cranked its gears and shouted at me: "Appetizers!" I'd never made a crostini before, but now seemed like the right time. Combining my love for bruschetta with my love for adventure, I set out to create my first bread-based appetizer: the bruschetta crostini melt.

It went over in ways I hadn't expected. Even my dad, who notoriously hates "rabbit food" and cream cheese, loved this recipe. I highly recommend this recipe - for appetizers, as a dish to pass, or as a side to a meal. Be sure to always keep your audience in mind (because I know my family hates onions).

Bruschetta Crostini Melts

What you need:
1 loaf of French (or Italian) bread (about 12 slices, 1/2 inch thick)
1 1/2 c. chopped tomatoes
3 tbsp. olive oil
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 c. red onion, finely chopped
Cream cheese (use the amount you prefer)
Basil leaves, torn
Mozzarella cheese to top (about 1 c.)

How to make them:
Preheat your oven to 400, and lightly brush a baking sheet with olive oil. Use only enough to barely coat the sheet.

In a small bowl, mix together the olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, tomatoes and onion until well combined. This part is actually delicious by itself.

Spread cream cheese over the tops of your bread slices, and top with the tomato mixture. Sprinkle with basil leaves, then mozzarella cheese.

Bake for 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted. Serve immediately. Would I make this again? Absolutely. I'm craving these while writing this.

AFTER

Now on Instagram!

Now you can follow Food & Sarcasm on Instagram! @foodandsarcasmblog

Check it out for blog photos and more. I love sharing delicious things with my fellow food lovers.

"Miracle" soup

Friends have been asking me about the "Miracle" soup I had on the last day of my cleansing diet. It's a great and healthy recipe that you can amend for the kinds of vegetables you like. You may be asking, why soup in March? Well, my friends, we got more than half a foot of snow here last night, so soup sounds like a great idea. As always, I have a hard time following directions, so here is my version of Miracle Soup.

Miracle Soup

Ingredients:
2 yellow onions, chopped
1/2 head of cabbage
1 large can of diced tomatoes (you can also use fresh tomatoes, but I find the juice from the canned tomatoes adds to the flavor)
4-5 sticks of celery, chopped
1 green pepper
2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded
Chicken broth (I just got three 12-oz. cans)
Salt/pepper to taste

Suggested spices to kick it up:
Paprika
Coriander
Garlic powder
Cajun seasoning
Additional pepper


To make it:
Saute fresh veggies until slightly soft (can vegetables be al dente?), then stir in tomatoes and shredded chicken. Cook for about 10 minutes. If you're not using a large pan, transfer ingredients to a pot then add broth and additional spices to taste. Simmer for 5-10 minutes and serve hot!

So you're looking for good Chinese takeout...

The fact that I felt inclined to get some Chinese takeout after a diet is no coincidence...I enjoy my comfort foods. Keep in mind, I haven't been asked to endorse anyone on this blog. I am here to share things I love, and one of those things is good food with a good price.

If you're from the Twin Cities area (or just happen to be around there) and you're looking for some delicious Chinese, look no further than Peking Cafe in Inver Grove Heights. This family-owned restaurant hosts a few tables, but most of the traffic comes from takeout. The owners are amazing people, so friendly and concerned with their customers. They routinely support local events (like the annual Taste of IGH event) and programs (they recognized me from high school theatre productions).

Pictured here is one of my favorites: the sesame chicken and pork fried rice. Although entrees like the sesame chicken come with white rice, I always sub in fried rice. It is better than any I have tried, and that is saying something. They also make some of the most amazing egg rolls I've ever had. Meals are very affordable, with entrees averaging about $8-$10. Don't let the decor fool you; chefs aren't interior decorators.


If you're ever in the area and craving a Chinese food fix, try Peking Cafe. You won't regret it!

Health struggles: My experience on a 7-day crash diet

As a person who loves food, dieting is usually not in my MO. Lately, though, I've been feeling a need to ramp up my healthy eating and shed a few more pounds before swimsuit season gets here. I found some diet ideas on various social media platforms and found one that would work: a 7-day "detox" diet.

Day 1: Fruit, nonfat yogurt and non-meat protein (from granola, nuts and peanut butter)
In the original diet plan, I was only supposed to eat fruit, but that seemed unhealthy. As a fruit lover, I thought this day would be great. It turns out fruit really isn't that filling. I normally have yogurt and granola for breakfast, so that part was fine. Don't get me wrong; I felt good and everything tasted wonderful, but I already missed balanced meals.

Day 2: Veggies + one red potato
I cheated and had my regular breakfast of yogurt and granola because I just couldn't bring myself to eat vegetables for breakfast. I had a delicious salad for lunch, but I have never been so excited to eat a potato in my life. And my coworkers brought Girl Scout cookies to work, which was pure torture. The good thing was that I felt fuller than I had with the fruit.

Day 3: Fruit and veggies
This was the best day so far. I felt really alert and energized. I had the strawberry spinach salad for lunch and leftovers from days one and two for dinner.

Day 4: Fruit, nonfat yogurt and non-meat protein
I seemed to be surviving on peanut butter, but I felt like I had more energy than usual.

Day 5: Poultry and tomatoes
MEAT. FINALLY. I was able to have a tomato and an egg (eggs come from chickens, so in my mind that's poultry) for breakfast. I never realized how great all the fun deli meats are before this. Chicken and tomato sauce for dinner. I developed a new appreciation for meat.

Day 6: Poultry and vegetables
Much the same as Day 5. I was glad the food was more filling, but I think my stomach shrunk.

Day 7: "Miracle" soup
Made with diced tomato, onion, celery, cabbage and chicken broth, this stuff was good. I wished there was meat in it, though, and I felt like I had to eat a lot to stop being hungry.

My thoughts on dieting: I probably wouldn't do something like this again. Yes, it was a good way to jump start some weight loss, but if you don't have a problem eating healthy food normally then don't feel like doing something like this is necessary. The good part was now I have a bunch of fruits and veggies around the house, which will fit nicely into the more balanced meals I plan on having.

Strawberry spinach salad

I love fruit. I could eat fruit all day and it would be amazing. Bananas, berries, melon, you name it. Strawberries were always my favorite as a kid.

I hate lettuce. I think it is flavorless and pointless and kind of sad. I much prefer greens like spinach and kale. Few people in this world have seen me eat a salad and enjoy it.

But there's one salad that combines the best of the fruit and vegetable worlds: the strawberry spinach salad. You've probably seen - or eaten - some version of this salad, but I'm sharing my version of this healthy meal in case you want a twist on the popular dish.

Strawberry Spinach Salad

Dressing:
1/2 cup olive oil
1//4 cup white vinegar
1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon poppy seeds
1 tablespoon minced onion
1/2 teaspoon paprika

Salad:
10 oz. spinach (or just buy a bag like I do)
1 quart strawberries, cleaned and sliced
1/2 cup shredded carrots
1/4-1/2 cup sunflower seeds

In a bowl (or a blender bottle works really well), combine the dressing ingredients and whisk together. You can use the dressing right away, but I suggest chilling it for half an hour to an hour.

In a large bowl, combine the spinach, strawberries, carrots and sunflower seeds. If you're not a fan of sunflower seeds, use sliced almonds or walnuts instead. Pour the dressing over the salad and toss through. Refrigerate 10-15 minutes before serving.

So there you have it! The best of both worlds. I recently heard of someone using lemon juice instead of vinegar for a different flavor profile, so feel free to try that out and let me know how it goes. Stay hungry, my friends.

Changing directions

Hello blog world! I realize it has been awhile - a long while - since I last posted. You know how life goes. No, I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth.

Just an update on Food and Sarcasm: I'll be taking things in a new direction. I've been posting mostly recipes so far, and I've decided to expand my reach a little to cover a little more. So stay in tune for recipes, healthy eating ideas, and more! Look for my next post in the coming days and a special feature of my experience with a 7-day crash diet.

In the meantime, enjoy this picture of a cinnamon roll that was just about the size of my head.